Air Freshener
Why the fuck do people buy air freshener? It has to be one of the most pointless fucking things in the history of humanity. It is more pointless than ITV soaps, washing cars and orange puss make-up combined.
It does not smell good. That’s right fuckos, it fails utterly at it’s sole purpose in this universe. All air fresheners smell like a combination of poverty, chemical and bum egg.
Smells do not get covered. It’s not like painting over fucking graffiti. They just get mixed together. Shit plus lavender air freshener does not equal lavender smell, it equals a shitty lavender smell. I am at the stage where I prefer the smell of an honest shit than this sickening, bile inducing combination. It’s like putting tomato ketchup on a turd sandwich.
Air freshener tech-fucking-nology. It seems that the air freshener companies have a bigger R&D budget than fucking NASA. The worlds best minds are engaged in coming up with useless gimmicks to spread their nauseating, tear inducing chemicals around the home. Whoever invented the plug-in air freshener should be taken round the back and shot. They have taken the worlds most useless invention and made it waste electricity, bravo cunt.
Did I mention air freshener is also fucking bad for you. Air fresheners contain VOC’s or volatile organic compounds. These may include ethanol, ethyl acetate, benzaldehyde, acetone, acetaldehyde, 1,4-dioxane and chloromethane. Look these up, especially the last 3. Here’s a taster, liver damage, kidney damage, birth defects, respiratory tract failure and cancer. At least it makes your gaff smell good, oh wait, it doesn’t.
If your house smells, why not take the radical fucking step of giving it a fucking clean you tinkerous cunts.
As an illegal war rages in Iraq, as a global economic meltdown paraylses the world, as thousands die mericilessly in Darfur and Afghanistan, it’s good to know that Mormanski is looking after the big issues. Gore Vidal would be proud. After all, he is a senile auld cunt.
And so is Gore Vidal
Think globally, act locally. Plus, you are aulder than me!
am I?
Yes.
Air fresheners are good for a small enclosed space like a car, esp when the owner thinks washing is “pointless”.
What about deoderants & afterhsaves?
I meant washing the outsides of cars.
Deodorant is unacceptable unless you mean antiperspirant which can be used to prevent sweat and therefore stink. Aftershave is also unacceptable unless used as facial sterilisation after actually shaving.
Mormanski, after living in a flat for a couple of years with you and after that disgrace of yours in that club near the train station I think air freshner is a fucking brilliant idea – anything to dillute that hum has my vote.
Mormanski who will never wear aftershave as it is for other peoples benefit so whats the point.
Ha ha, that time in the club has scarred me for life. It made my eyes water.
Why is after shave for other peoples benefit?
Are you insinuating that I am selfish?
Mormanski: Making life bland since 1975
my eyes are still watering.
That was a direct quote from the book of mormanski i remember you said you will never wear it as it is only for the benefit of others not yourself. just stuck in my mind (or the back of my throat).
Like the Dylan comments before, another spectacular misfire from the once asute Mormanski. As Samuel L Jackson says to Robert De Niro in Jackie Brown: “What happened to you man? Your ass used to be beautiful.”
Laugh it up fuckos. Meanwhile, air freshener chemicals are coursing through your veins giving you chronic baw rot at this very moment.
Sauzee, I would like to know more about the club near the train station incident. Are we talking about an unwelcome ‘wet fart’ scenario here?
Nothing of the wet variety as far as i know however that was a posiblity. All I can remember is the club was packed he let one off and within two or three minutes he had cleared the whole area around him for within a 2 mile radius- I call it the mormanski crater effect.